


One Time Thing

by ProseApothecary



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Angst (kinda?), Fluff, Jealousy, M/M, S05E06 Missing Scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-27 20:26:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17773673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProseApothecary/pseuds/ProseApothecary
Summary: David and Patrick realise some things are beyond their Ken.





	One Time Thing

Patrick goes into the backroom to call Ken and David tells himself that this is definitely a good idea.

He comes out with a slight smile and David takes that as a good sign (definitely a good sign, because he wanted this, after all).

“So…where is he taking you? I wouldn’t recommend Café Tropical, because if my mother catches you having dinner with another guy she _might_ throw a drink in your face. She once did that to Matt Bomer just because she _forgot_ that we broke up six months prior, so…”

“Uh, it’s tonight, so your mother is not going to be there.”

“Wow! Ken moves fast! Good for Ken!”

“But we _are_ heading out of Schitt’s Creek. Remember Frankie’s? You thought it would be super funny to load up _Baby One More Time_ into their jukebox eight times and they kicked you out?”

“Oh. You’re going to Frankie’s?”

“Yep. Maybe this time I’ll actually get to finish my steak tartare.”

Patrick’s phone beeps and he goes to check it.

“Can he not make it?” David asks, aiming for his most sympathetic voice.

“Uh, actually he just said that he wanted me to keep the outfit.”

David laughs a little too much. “That’s so cute. I mean, obviously it’s a formal dinner, so that’s a no-no, but _so cute_ that he asked.” He may have to share Patrick, but he wasn’t going to share his favourite, perfectly fitted shirt.

His phone beeps again and David finds himself leaning forward, just slightly.

“…Weren’t you going to call Adeline about the soaps?”

“Yep. I should do that. You know how demanding she can get. And yes, most of that _is_ sexual tension, but-”

“I think most of it is needing to compete with the other Pinterest mums.”

“Agree to disagree.”

“Maybe you should _call her_ to find out.”

“Ok, ok, I’m going.”

 

After David calls Adeline, the rest of the day passes uneventfully. Around four, Patrick starts packing his things.

“You mind if I leave a little early?”

“Of course not.” David starts turning off lights.

Patrick stares at him.

“Oh, you were thinking like, I would stay…”

“Uh, yeah. Unless you made plans with Pinterest Mum.”

“Nope. No plans.” He turns the light back on.

There’s an awkward pause. Normally David would go in for a kiss goodbye, or at least a hug, but it feels like a pretty bizarre way to send Patrick off to a date with another guy.

“Ok. Cya,” Patrick says a little hoarsely, promptly turning heel.

“Bye. Have fun. Don’t do anything Barbie wouldn’t do.”

Patrick turns to fix him with a confused look.

“Because…Ken. Never mind.”

Patrick gives him a little smile that reassures David a lot. “Ted’s rubbing off on you.”

“Spin the bottle doesn’t go _quite_ that far.”

“Ok, leaving now. Oh, and can you get a start on inventory while you’re here? Thanks so much.”

David sighs and starts on inventory in the quiet room. It would just be a night. And afterwards, David would know that Patrick wasn’t meant to be with someone else, and he wouldn’t have to feel the heat rise in his chest every time a cute guy asked for his number.

 

Patrick changes his shirt three times. Blue reminds him too much of his first date with David. He’d been nervous then too, but this felt less like butterflies in his stomach and more like a hornet’s nest.

He reminds himself that this is a good thing. It’s not like he’d never imagined kissing other guys. And Ken was cute. Nice smile, kind eyes. He made Patrick laugh. And David was fine with it. Encouraging, really. It’s just that this whole thing was much more appealing five hours ago, when it was in the hypothetical.

 

Ken had walked in and made his way over to Patrick. “Do you have any suggestions for what to buy as a wedding present for a couple you don’t like?”

Patrick went to their book section. “There’s an album of odd animal couples. Lion cubs with baby hippos-”

“Sounds ambiguously insulting. I’m in.” He picked up a durian-scented beauty kit from the table. “And chucking this in as well.”

“I’ll be honest: I’m pretty grateful to you for being the first person to buy one of those.”

Ken smiled. “There may be a way you could pay me back. Could I borrow a pen and paper?”

Patrick got a pen from his jean pocket. “You’ll have to go to David for the paper,” he said, pointing to the register.

Ken bought his gifts and grabbed some paper, scribbling down his number and giving it to Patrick on the way out. “Call me, and we’ll be even,” he said with a wink.

Patrick was not expecting that. He went over to Alexis and David, feeling pleased and a little proud of himself. The customers that flirted with him were usually women. Which wasn’t totally unwanted, given that it was enough to raise David’s hackles. But a cute guy giving him his number? That was a different kind of flattering, a spark that he wasn’t used to.

 

He sits in the car and tries to feel the spark again. By the time he’s ten minutes late, he’s run out of excuses not to go in.

Ken is sitting there already, and grins at him as he walks in.

“Aw, you’re not wearing the shirt.”

“Oh. Well, someone gave an uncapped pen back to me and when I put it back, just…instant ink spill. Everywhere.”

Ken looks aghast. “Oh no.”

“Kidding.” Patrick needed to remember that not everyone was as nonchalant about destruction of property as David.

“Ok, just for that, you’re paying for dinner.”

“That’s fair.” This was ground he was more used to.

They order – Patrick was getting his steak tartare this time, dammit- and their meal arrives shortly after.

Ken asks lot of questions about the store, about his family, about his history.

And Patrick can’t focus on anything but the tapping of his square-toed boots, sticking out from the corner of the table. They were long and blunt, like a sledgehammer. All he could think about was how much David would hate them. And that was the opening of the floodgates. Suddenly he was thinking about the last time he’d taken David here. David, stealing chips from his plate. Kicking him under the table to get him to lean in close, just so he could whisper a not-entirely-kind observation about one of the couples at another table. Sheepishly promising to find somewhere better when they got kicked out, then dragging him to a little speakeasy. Explaining his ability to find little hole-in-the-wall joints in unexplored territory with a condescending “I lived in _New York_.” Leaving Patrick a little annoyed, and a little in awe of his mysterious, possibly psychic boyfriend. God, he wishes he were here with David. It feels like 18 different kinds of wrong to be here with someone else.

Nonetheless, it feels a little rude to get up and go before the date’s even over.

“…Patrick?” Ken looks a little concerned. “Are you ok?”

“…Do you have like…eight dollars in cash? For the jukebox?”

 

“You didn’t think that playing _One Time_ eight times might get us kicked out?”

“Who knew Bieber was such a divisive figure?”

“Everyone. Everyone knows that.”

“Still, it’s a pretty strict policy. Pretty sure they’ll let _you_ back in, though. So if you want to finish your pasta…”

“What? There’s another restaurant like, three doors down we can go to.”

“Right. Here’s the thing. Uh, I have a boyfriend. And he’s fine with this. And. I thought I was too. But I’m not. And it’s not you. You’re smart, and funny. You didn’t spontaneously adopt an Italian accent when you ordered bruschetta, which is one point you have on David.”

“Oh my God, David’s your boyfriend? From the store?”

“Uh, yep. That would be him.”

“He’s cool with this? Are you guys open?”

“Um, not exactly.”

Is this like a jealousy sex game, or…?”

“I can say with 100% certainty that this is not what this is.” He ponders the weird blend of supportive jealousy that David’s been exhibiting all day. “95% certainty.”

“Oh God. Ok, I’m gonna go.”

“Right. Sorry about this. If you ever want a store discount-”

“Yeah, I won’t be coming back to the store.”

“Understandable.” He watches as Ken walks off and heads back to his car. Clearly, David has ruined him for other people.

 

An hour later, Patrick lies back in bed. David rolls onto his side, tossing an arm over Patrick and tracing lines up and down his arm.

“So…what happened?” David asks.

“Nothing happened.”

“I know nothing happened, but…what happened? Did you guys meet up?”

“It’s kind of a humiliating story. You don’t need to know.”

“When have _those_ sentences ever gone together?”

Patrick ignores David, closing his eyes and settling back onto the pillow.

There’s a cough and the tracing stops.

“I may have realised sometime during the evening that I wasn’t entirely ok with you seeing another guy.”

Patrick had realised that sometime towards the end of their three-minute hug.

“And I just think that if I know what happened, it might help me cope. Emotionally.”

There’s a playful lilt to David’s voice, but Patrick thinks that may be the most earnest thing he’s said all day.

He sighs. “Fine.”

 

Ten minutes later, David is considerably more gleeful.

“So you just took my mistake and did it on purpose? You realise you’re never gonna get your steak tartare now?”

“Don’t remind me.”

“And you’re _never ever_ gonna get an invite back to the Barbie Dreamhouse.”

“Very ok with that. But I can say with certainty that he wasn’t a Ken doll - he was wearing _very_ tight pants and-”

David moves over Patrick and plants a kiss on his lips to stop that train of thought. “And it made you realise that you prefer a more relaxed fit?”

“It made me realise I’d rather see my boyfriend in them.”

“Also a good answer.”

Patrick can see goosebumps on David’s shoulders. He really needs to buy more blankets for the apartment. He runs a hand up and down his back before slipping his arms around his waist.

He looks up at David. “I just want this.”

David beams and leans in for another kiss. “Me too.”

“…Though I’d also appreciate a run-down on how ‘not ok’ you were.” Patrick says. “Like, were you fuming? Did you sweat?”

David rolls his eyes and goes to lie down on his side of the bed. “Night.”

Patrick smiles and nuzzles into David’s shoulder, pulling him in.

Just keeping him close.


End file.
